


Scars to Your Beautiful

by dryadgrl13



Category: Helix Waltz (Video Game)
Genre: 2nd Degree Burns, Anxiety, Bad Parenting, Ballroom Dancing, Damn it Alan why you gotta be so cute, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First Kiss, M/M, Magda is tired of the bullshit, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Scars, Self-Esteem Issues, Songfic, Sort Of, best friend!Gonzalo is best, the language of dance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 04:00:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17676074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dryadgrl13/pseuds/dryadgrl13
Summary: In which Lady Magda Ellenstein goes to war. (Well, she goes to a ball. Same difference.)





	Scars to Your Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this idea swimming around in my head for weeks. Many thanks to the amazing gdcee for writing their fic "pulchra dicuntur quae visa placent," which inspired me to finally sit down and turn my own story into actual words.
> 
> "Scars to Your Beautiful" is a song by Alessia Cara.

“She prays to be sculpted by the sculptor  
Oh, she don't see the light that's shining  
Deeper than the eyes can find it  
Maybe we have made her blind  
So she tries to cover up the pain…”

 

Magda’s steps were confident and graceful as she ascended the staircase that led to the double doors of the Senate Ballroom. The doors were already propped open, and she was able to catch a glimpse of the swirling mass of couples moving across its length before she reached the announcer and coat check. Her stomach erupted in a mass of butterflies as she handed her card to the announcer and slowly began untying the front laces of her capelet.

“MISS MAGDA ELLENSTEIN,” the announcer bellowed, and at least a quarter of the ballroom’s occupants glanced towards the top of the staircase where she stood. She took a deep breath, steadying her nerves, and finished pulling the capelet off of her shoulders. She folded it in half and handed it to the wide-eyed coat check servant. The announcer handed her card back to her, and Magda took a moment to slip it around her wrist before descending the staircase into the war zone below.

She had chosen the Senate Ball as her battlefield for a reason.

She could feel the heavy gazes of the nobles around her. The dress she’d chosen tonight was one she normally wore to the slums. It was a deep, royal blue that clung to her like a second layer of skin. The only reason Mother had let her out of the house in it was for the fact that it was both high-necked and long-sleeved, with the hem falling all the way to the ground.

Magda had purposefully hidden from her what the back of the dress looked like.

Within seconds of reaching the ballroom floor, Magda heard someone behind her gasp. That drew the attention of another lady who let out a short, high-pitched scream before dropping her champagne flute and fainting.

It took all of Magda’s control not to react as she kept walking forward. After the first woman’s outburst, Magda had locked eyes with Gonzalo at the far end of the room. She let her eyes send the message that she was heading straight for him. She barely managed to make out his smile through the crowd that separated them.

One would have thought that bombs had been detonated in the wake of Magda’s footsteps as she crossed the ballroom. Nobles scattered away from her in violent, terrified masses, only to gather together again, openly staring and talking about what they were seeing. Some kept their voices quiet, while others did not.

“The gall!”

“The absolute nerve.”

“Why in the Goddess’ name would she think that anyone would want to see that?”

“Disgusting.”

“What do you think happened? I’ve never heard of the Ellensteins being involved in…”

“Where is her coat? Someone grab it and force it on her, for decency’s sake!”

By the time Magda had made it halfway across the room, her hands had begun to shake. By the time she made it to Gonzalo’s side, her jaw had locked into the mockery of a smile in order to keep herself from throwing up. 

She knew she was going to cause a scene. She had been certain that she could handle it. She just hadn’t anticipated the lack of decorum her actions would inspire.

Gonzalo saw her anxiety, and his eyes turned to golden steel. “Ah, Lady Ellenstein,” he drawled, stepping towards her with an extravagant flourish of his cloak. “Your outfits always cause such a scene at these balls. Come, let me take a closer look at this dress.”

Magda took his proffered hand and he spun her in an arcing circle in front of him. Her dress was too form-fitting to billow outwards in the way her normal ball gowns did, but her hem kicked up enough to show off the gold and black embroidered heels she wore. She felt the barest hint of a breeze coming from the open balcony windows. It tickled her shoulder blades, and goosebumps rose along the length of her exposed skin. 

“Oh my,” Gonzalo gushed. “What an exquisite dress. You have to give me the name of the designer.” Her friend bowed deeply over the hand he still held and smiled genuinely up at her. “It would look lovely moving across the dance floor, don’t you think?”

She allowed him to pull her back the way she came and they joined the handful of couples still following the music. The orchestra was halfway through a waltz, and Magda jumped when she felt Gonzalo’s gloved hand fit itself along the curve of her naked spine.

“Does it hurt?” Gonzalo asked her quietly, leaning downwards to speak into her ear.

“No,” she whispered back, keeping her eyes level with his collarbone. She didn’t think she could look him in the eye and keep her composure, not when he was looking down at her with equal parts concern and admiration. “I can’t feel anything where the burns are.”

“Nothing at all?” Magda felt him move his hand from the middle of her back to somewhere...lower. She squeaked out a surprised laugh and purposefully stepped on his toes in retaliation. Gonzalo squawked and complained about her ruining his brand new shoes before grinning at her and continuing the dance.

It ended soon after. Magda curtsied and began to say good-bye, but Gonzalo took her hands in his again for the next dance. “Lord Jorcastle, what will people say?” she teased.

“Oh pish. The first dance didn’t count. It was only half a dance. There’s nothing wrong with me having another one with my dear friend. Besides...” He paused to make a calculated sweep of the hall with his eyes. “They’re all busy talking about something else.”

Magda’s chin fell forward a bit, and she fought the urge to curl into Gonzalo for a hug. She knew he’d give her one, but now was not the time or place.

“Was this display of yours prompted by what happened at the Social yesterday?”

Magda’s eyes narrowed and her fingers tensed on Gonzalo’s shoulder as she remembered what happened. “What do they know of beauty?” she hissed, her anger bringing a flush to her cheeks. “They had no right to ridicule Lord Balfey. And to his face! They’ve no right to ridicule anyone. It makes me so mad. Everyone here thinks they _know_.” She looked around the room meaningfully as they travelled across the floor in a diagonal line of dancers. “But they don’t. You can’t just look at a person and know their truths.”

Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, but she willed them to stay put. “I took it personally. I know what they all say about me when I’m not around. But they don’t know where I came from. They don’t know what I’ve lived through. They see the dresses and jewels, the favors owed and gifts received, and that’s all they think I am. All they’ll allow me to be.”

Magda’s words trailed off, and the pair continued dancing in silence until the music ended. Both partners bowed to each other, and Gonzalo slowly led her away from the dance floor.

“You musn’t care so much about what people think,” he advised, squeezing the hand that was tucked into his arm. “That’s rich coming from me, I know, but do as I say, not as I do.”

Magda laughed and lingered with him at the edge of the dance floor. “I’ve spent my whole life hiding these scars,” she confessed. “I was told no one would want me because of them. No one would want a deformed wife.”

Gonzalo swore under his breath, which made Magda smile. She turned to face him with her head high, giving the people behind her the perfect view of the red and pink burn marks that littered the length between her shoulder blades and lower back. “I have to be perfect in everything else. As long as I’m beyond reproach as a lady, as a woman, as a wife, my future husband should be able to overlook the one thing that’s wrong with me.”

“I’m so tired, Gonzalo,” Magda whispered as a single tear trailed down the curve of her cheek. “I can’t keep this up any longer. Nothing I do is good enough for Mother. And trying to please all these...” she tilted her head covertly to indicate around the room, “...people, all at once, is impossible. Being perfect is impossible.”

“Speak for yourself,” Gonzalo sniffed, pretending to be affronted as he removed a handkerchief from the breast pocket of his vest. “I absolutely agree, Lady Ellenstein.” Gonzalo handed her the kerchief and increased the volume of his voice to carry outwards. “It is dreadfully dusty in here. The wind from outside isn’t helping matters. Perhaps we should find someone to close those windows.”

“Oh, I can do that for you, Miss Magda,” a voice said from directly behind Gonzalo. The Jorcastle heir spun around faster than Magda had ever seen, revealing the figure of Guardsman Alan.

The young man looked eager to help, but also...a bit wary? “Oh, thank you Alan,” Magda said as she dabbed at the corners of her eyes. “But I’ll be fine. Gonzalo’s just being a mother hen.” Magda snickered to herself as she watched her friend bite back whatever it was he wanted to say to her.

“No really, it’s no trouble,” Alan insisted. “The breeze is a bit strong, and I’m sure you must be getting cold, too.” There was a beat of silence before the young man blushed cherry red. “I mean...uh...no, I don’t mean to say that you...that your dress is...that it’s, uh…”

Alan’s panicked eyes beseeched Gonzalo for help. Gonzalo grinned at the younger man and casually threw his arm around Alan’s shoulders. “Miss Magda knows what you meant, Guardsman. At ease.”

Shockingly, Alan seemed to melt a little into Gonzalo’s side, causing both Gonzalo and Magda to raise their eyebrows. The young man stayed there for a moment as he collected himself.

“I’m going to close those windows,” Alan muttered to them, leaving as quickly as he came.

“What’s gotten into him?” Magda asked, once Alan was out of earshot.

“How should I know?”

“Have you two…”

“No! The boy is as clueless as a draft horse. He has yet to acknowledged any of the advances I’ve made. It’s enough to bruise one’s ego, I swear.”

“Maybe he didn’t like where you put your hand earlier,” Magda guessed, watching as Alan swiftly closed the nearby balcony doors and began making his way back to them.

“Don’t be dull, Magda. Anyone who knows anything in Finsel has heard of where my preferences lie. He’d have to be ridiculously, obscenely, and utterly stupid to believe that I might be interested in…”

“A dance?” Alan wheezed, having practically run back to where Magda and Gonzalo were still standing. “Before...you leave. Would you care to...dance?”

“I believe her card is empty for the rest of the night,” Gonzalo said as he began to walk away. “You’re as charming as every, Lady Ellenstein. I hope to see you again soon.”

“No,” Alan called, reflexively reaching out to the other man. “I meant you, Lord Jorcastle.”

In that moment, Magda would have gladly given away all of the coins and jewelry she owned so that she could have in her hands that new, Rayorcan invention that produces photographs. The look on Gonzalo’s face was something she wished she could have captured and preserved for the ages.

Gonzalo opened and closed his mouth several times, as though trying to respond. Alan waited patiently while a blush worked its way up from the collar of his uniform. Magda was on the verge of accepting the offer on behalf of her speechless friend, when Alan’s eyes widened and he turned towards her. “I don’t mean to take your partner away from you, Miss Magda, and leave you all alone.”

“No. I will be fine. There are plenty of people to see and talk to. You must dance,” she ordered them. “I insist.”

Those words must have been the catalyst Gonzalo needed. Shaking off his stupor, he offered his arm to the guardsman with a smile that rivaled the midnight lights of the Spire. Alan looped his arm under Gonzalo’s with a bashful grin of his own, and then they were gone.

Leaving Magda alone to bear the full weight of the whispers and stares of the nobles and senators.

She squared her shoulders, and the movement caused another ripple of sound to echo through the crowd around her.

Thank goodness she still had Gonzalo’s handkerchief. She was probably going to need it later.

This is what she had wanted, though. She had brought this upon herself the second she chose to wear this dress. She had wanted to give the world a glimpse of who she was underneath the gowns and compliments. She wanted to prove that her beauty ran deeper than the layers of skin on her body. She wanted to be loved and accepted for the kind of person she was. She wanted… 

“Pardon me, Lady Ellenstein.”

Magda felt the barest brush of a hand on her elbow and realized that she had become lost in thought as she looked around the ballroom for familiar faces, one of which had suddenly appeared next to her.

“Lord Barris,” she greeted, curtseying politely.

Barris didn’t bow back, which wasn’t surprising. He never did. “Are you alright?” he asked somewhat hesitantly.

“Yes. Why?”

“You...well, you’ve been standing here, alone. And…” Barris’ words trailed off as he glanced behind her at the nobles openly gawking at her backless dress and all it exposed. “And this circus is enough to try anyone’s patience. Some people have no shame.” He glared imperiously at the throng that had gathered, and Magda watched in awe as nobles and senators alike turned away from them and scattered like leaves in a rainstorm.

“Are you free for a dance?” he asked.

“Of course.” Magda smiled up at him as her heart skipped a beat. “I’d be honored to dance with you.”

They had to wait for the current song to end, which left them with little to do but stand at the edge of the dance floor and talk. Barris observed that she hadn’t been to visit his niece in a while. He had missed seeing her as often as he had. He greatly enjoyed the discussions they’d had in the past. Magda readily agreed to stop by in a few days, and began telling him about the latest book she’d gotten her hands on.

They fell so deep in conversation with each other that they almost missed the beginning of the next song. She had to interrupt Barris as he was in the middle of speculating on the ripple effect of the change in trade tariffs with Mandaria. Without thinking of how it might look, Magda snatched up Barris’ hand in hers and enthusiastically pulled him onto the dance floor.

He stumbled a moment before catching himself and matching her gait. He used their momentum to swing Magda into an opening spin, causing her to laugh in surprise and pleasure. She inhaled sharply at the feeling of his ungloved hand settling into position on her unclothed back, and she watched as the tips of his ears turned as pink as the embroidery on his coat.

“You don’t have to...I understand if you’d rather place your hand somewhere else,” Magda said, offering Barris a way to avoid contact with the scars underneath his fingertips.

His eyebrows furrowed quizzically. “Are you uncomfortable?”

“No,” she reassured him. “I just thought...I can’t imagine you would _want_ to touch them. I actively avoid them, and they’re on my body.”

Magda sighed and felt herself grow smaller. Her smile dimmed, and she turned her head so that her face was somewhat obscured from her partner. She heard her mother’s voice in her head, reminding her that no man in existence actively seeks a partner as heavily marred as she is.

Both of Barris’ hands tensed at the same time. His left hand, which held her right hand away from their bodies, gripped it tightly. His right hand, positioned on her back, flexed and spread to cover as much skin as possible. He pulled her a step closer than the rules of the dance allowed for, and began adding his own embellishments to each movement.

It was a language created by nobles to communicate without words. Magda’s mother made sure that her daughter was proficient in it before she allowed Magda to attend her first ball.

Barris travelled backwards across the dance floor with her in his arms. **Mind.** His hands found her waist and her feet left the ground. **Soul.** He pushed her away from him, only to pull her back in with a flourish. **Body.** He swept both their arms into the air and released her momentarily.

**Perfect.**

Magda’s eyes shot to his and she saw the sincerity there. He smiled at her in a way she’d never seen before, and it was almost too much to bear.

She couldn’t stay silent in this conversation. The next time Barris spun her, she released his hand to spin on her own before finding him again. **I.** The next time they travelled, she purposely stepped incorrectly and their hands separated for a instant. **Incomplete.**

Right there, in the middle of the dance floor, Barris Sakan began to laugh. It was a rich, heady sound that drew the attention of everyone around. Magda would have been happy that she made him laugh, except that she was worried he was laughing at her.

Still chuckling, he tilted his head so that his lips were hovering just above her ear. “Aren’t we all?”

The dance finally ended with Barris bringing their hands together at his chest. **Heart.** He stepped away from her and bowed, keeping hold of her right hand in order to brush a feather-light kiss against her knuckles before turning it palm-up. **Yours.**

Magda had her own moment of speechlessness before coming to her senses and curtsying to her partner. “Thank you for the dance, Mr. Barris. I look forward to seeing you again soon.”

“Tomorrow,” he said, looking at her intently. “I’ll tell Barbara to expect you.”

“I would like that,” she agreed. Before she could go, Barris captured her hand one more time. The action must have been involuntary, as he seemed at a loss for what to do once he had it. Feeling bold, Magda stepped forward and onto her toes to place a kiss on his cheek.

Barris turned his head at the last moment and caught her lips with his. It was a brief and gentle thing, but Magda felt the shockwave of it down to her toes.

“Till tomorrow,” she promised, in too breathless of a voice for her liking. She turned from him and fled to the staircase, eager to go home and fall asleep so that the night might usher in the dawning of the next day. 

 

“And you don't have to change a thing,  
The world can change its heart  
No scars to your beautiful,  
We're stars and we're beautiful.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a really short oneshot that focused only on Magda/Barris. But then Gonzalo had to dance with Magda, and of course he started talking to her. Then Alan saw them dancing and had to high jack the story from me. *insert sad Motiti face*
> 
> This story is far from what I originally dreamed up. I hope you liked it.
> 
> P.S. Gonzalo is really hard to write. I kept feeling like I was writing Dorian from Dragon Age. I hope my characterizations of him are believable. Gonzalo is amazing & deserves all the love in the world! #hugsforGonzalo


End file.
